just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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