I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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