my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize