I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
