great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
