you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
