I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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