can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
