My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
