Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
