if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
