I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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