were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
