This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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