Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
