Jerry, you need to find god
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize