who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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