; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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