McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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