So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
