i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize