I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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