They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
