Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
