I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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