last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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