So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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