I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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