Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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