so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
