dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
