I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
