just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sponge bath it is.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
