Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need water and some morals
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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