When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
