that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
