Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
