Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
