I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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