Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
