if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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