I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
