I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
