Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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