I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize