it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
