he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
