grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
