I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
