I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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