I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
