honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
