Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
