Kiss
Puke
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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