I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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