Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize