I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
