You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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