Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
