So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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