there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize