I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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