Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
