you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
