My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
