he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
