Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize