no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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