Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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