I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
