i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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