1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
